Late night cravings. I hate to have them. Because then you become victim of the contrived products and placement of items inside of a grocery store, which itself is also a contrivance. I have this idea of a commercial (‘Cause the way that the retail and more importantly food industry is going is really pissin’ me off).
Scene 1: The customer comes up to the corporation. [Large annoyingly ornate counter] to purchase said corporation’s half-assed product and pays with half of a series of bills (that’s right, currency confetti).
Scene 2: Customer thrusts their clenched fist forward, extends the flag to full mast. Throws pig pubes on the register. Farts in the face of the cashier. Line – “That’s how I’ll be paying mother fucker”. The End.
Yep, even the commercial is half-assed, cohering to the theme and standards that corporations have established. Since I’m a purist in my egalitarian views I feel it only right to demonstrate an equal element of perfunctory and exhibit the same level of respectability (since corporations, as well, now purport that they are “people”, honestly sometimes I feel like our galaxy is actually sitting somewhere in God’s bowels, upsetting his stomach with stupidity and sophistry, biding our time before we get squeezed by that sphincter; the ‘black-hole’).
The impetus for my censure and ardent exposition was the watermelon sized amount of fucking air I was greeted by after opening my bag of jalapeno and cheddar potato chips (and will most likely continue to be greeted by). There was more confined O2 in the chip bag than actual O2 in my city. The hell is that. Only in the food industry can they get away with that bullshit. You won’t find a doctor transplanting half a kidney into someone’s body. You won’t see a car mechanic installing half an engine into a car. Nor will you find a shoe maker selling half a high-top without a sole. Of course I’ve heard the absurd rationale that potato chip makers (and many other fatuous food producers from yogurt, butter, nuts etc) fill the bags with air to prevent the precious and irreplaceable chips from shattering. OH NO!
Number 1: Even with all the air you fill the bags with half the chips that reach the customer look like hamster bedding. So brilliant execution ya jackasses. This has to be the most consistent plan failure since the gang in ‘The Sandlot‘ were foiled at the paws of ‘The Beast’.
Number 2: Why not put the customer first, top off the bag and bubble wrap or styrofoam up the shitty boxes you throw your ‘quality goods’ in.
We (as in the customer) pad your pockets you bastards. The least you could do for the proletarians is provide them with an acceptable amount of comfort food..since your overcharging the shit out of them anyway.